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slicker slicker 20:36:48
Eureka...I think I've got it. Anyway, as the old story goes....the only thing worse than coming home and having your wife find lipstick on your collar is being caught with pussy hairs between your teeth.
Good Night...and if you got em, post em!
slicker 20:31:29
You know, messing with "cgi" scripts is enough to make you go nuts!!! Testing again.
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slicker slicker 12:09:57
Ok...I made a few adjustment and they seem to work. Kristen, baby...I'll talk to you later! Don't be afraid to step up onto the stage and spin some yarn. We welcome any contributions. So, with that in mind....did you hear the one about Eli Whitney who declared proudly as he emerged from his workshop: "I've invented a cotton gin."
"Big deal," his wife grumbled. "Who needs a fluffy Martini."
Or a Jason would say..."Martoonie!" See you later.
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slicker slicker 11:07:50
Testing script adjustment
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kristen 23:18:54
I'm glad to see that this place is begining to take off. Thanks, Slicker, for allowing us a forum to introduce some funny tidbits. When I was in the Convent...the nuns there didn't have much of a sense of humor. In fact, one day I ran across Father Grimsley in the shower room naked, drying himself off. In great disbelief, I just stood there in shock. Imagine, a young girl never having seen a man naked before. Not even knowing there was a difference in anatomical structure. I couldn't help but notice his dick...which at the time I didn't know what it was for.
I ran out and almost knocked down Sister Superior. "No running in the Halls," she yelled to me. "Sister...," I said, "I just saw Father Grimsley naked in the shower room!" She told me that was not an unusual occurrence as the plumbing in the complex is old and the facilities in the rectory broke down often. "You seem troubled, my child...what's wrong?" the nun asked me.
I told her about Father Grimsley's dick and that I didn't know what it was and asked her if she would tell me. "Oh no, my child," she exclaimed. "Go back in the shower room and ask Father Grimsley himself. It is not my place to tell you."
Nervously, I went back into the shower and called out to the Priest. He was still naked and I couldn't help staring at his genitals. "Yes my dear, can I help you?" he inquired? I told him about my talk with Sister Superior and that I wanted to know what the protuberance between his legs was and what it was for.
"Why, my child," he said, "this is a Heavenly Key. And with this Key, I can place it into the Divine Lock between your legs and together we can unlock the Gates of Heaven!"
"Oh my," I thought. And we did. And I saw God!. Well, after we were through and showered, how convenient...I left the showers; again to find Sister Superior standing outside in the Hall.
"What did Father Grimsley tell you?" she asked excitedly. I told her about his Heavenly Key and my Divine Lock, unlocking the Gates of Heaven and seeing God!
"Why that Son of a Bitch!!!" she screams out. "He told me it was Gabriel's Horn and I've been blowing it for the past 20 Years!"

Slicker, you must tell me what yours is for someday. Good Night and Happy Dreams.

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Slicker Slicker 14:07:47
Some great stuff in here. I'm glad that there are some fellow seekers of smut with a sense of humour. Please keep it up. I'll leave you with this one:
A policeman cruising past a pub after closing time notices two motor cycles still parked out the front. He goes round the back of the bar only to find two bikers, one with his fingers up the ass of the other.
"So what's going on here?" he asks.
The biker replies "My buddy here has had way too much to drink and I'm trying to make him vomit."
The cop says "I think you should be sticking your fingers down his
THROAT!"
The biker replies "That's what I'm going to do next!"

Adios...and if you've got em, Post em!

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Bobby Finnigan Bobby Finnigan 13:15:11
Since it's Sunday, I thought that this may be relevant and inspirational.
Timmy O'Malley is in the confessional with Father Burke and says: "Bless me Father for I have sinned...it's been two weeks since my last confession. I have been messing around with one of the girls in my class. Why, only yesterday we took off all ofour clothes and started to touch each other all over."
Father Burke said: "Timmy, was it with Patty McGuire?"
"No it wasn't, Father" was his reply.
"Was it with Sinead Higgins?" the priest inquires.
"Not her either," answers Timmy.
"How about Annie Monahan?" Father Burke goes on to say.
"Father," says Timmy, "I can't tell. I do not want to dishonor her."
The Priest tells Timmy that is very noble but for having sinned he is to say a novena and sweep the church after this Sunday's Mass. Tommy leaves the confessional and meets up with his best friend who asks him what he got for penance. Timmy told him and the friend exclaims: "Boy, did he give it to you!"
"Yeah..." says Timmy, "but at least I got some good leads!"

God Bless You and Keep you!

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Jason Everhardt 23:49:43
Whoa...I just missed Bill. He a down to earth type fellow. My kind of guy! Shares my taste in women.
Any way, Slicker E-mailed me to tell me about this new addition to his site and to thank me for inspiring him to put this place together. He also asked me to repost a joke that I left in the speak easy the other night. So...here goes.
A lady at the bar yells over to the bartender: "Hey, Tarbender...fix me a Martoonie and make it schnappy!" The Bar Keeper mixes her drink, places it in front of her and asks her if she would like anything else to which she replies no. He then walks back to the end of the bar where he was engaged in some heavy conversation with a pretty young lass.
"Tarbender...." the lady shouts out a little later on, "fix me a Martoonie and make it schnappy!"
Somewhat aggrevated at the womans demenor, the Bar Keep mixes her another drink, places it in front of her and asks her if she would like anything else to which she again replies no. He then returns to the pretty young chick to resume his flirtatious undertakings.
"Hey, Tarbender....." the old Lady hollers out again too soon! "Get over here, fix me a Martoonie and make it schnappy!"
Now the Bartender is really pissed. He slaps the drink together, slams it down on the bar in front of the old bag and asks her if there is anything else that he can do for her.
"Yeah..." she says, "and open up that window...it's hot in here!!!"
"Lady...." he says, "I've got three things to tell you. One, it's Bartender, not Tarbender. Two, it's Martini, not Martoonie. And three, it's not hot in here....you'll cool down by taking you tit out of the ashtray!!!"

Thank you very much...it's been fun. You have been a great audience. I'll see you next trip into the Comedy Corner.
Good Night and thanks for the Memories.

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Jason Everhardt
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Bill Clinton 22:38:18
Hey Slicker...Nice Job. I haven't talked to you since I sent you that E-mail last May.
Anyway, I was feeling down in the dumps with all the shit that is going on. In fact, earlier today, I took a walk by the Washington Monument, looked up and said....George, if you were in my shoes, what would you do?
The next thing I know, a voice bellows out: "Wipe out Social Security and Medicare and start over!"
Holy Shit!!!, I thought. This is really cool. I walked around a little more and wandered over to the Jefferson Memorial to see if Tom might bestow some wisdom upon me. Tom, I said....If you were in the same boat as I, what would you do?
Again...a voice sounds out: "Abolish Welfare and start over."
I'll be a Son of a Bitch! I couldn't believe it. The next thing I know, there in front of me is the Lincoln Memorial. Abe, I said, what in the Sam Hill would you do if you were me?
Suddenly, music filled the air. Why it was the "Battle Hymn of the Republic." A strong but gentle voice says: "Bill....If I were you, I would take the afternoon off and go to the theatre!

So, Slicker...thanks for giving me the chance to vent some steam. I've got to get home. Hilary's waiting for me you know. She's quite a gal!

Take Care, and keep those pics posted!

Sincerely,
Bill

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Slicker 16:28:40
I've changed things around a little to make it easier to visit the Comedy Corner. On the introduction page you can click on "Take a Look Inside" and see what's been posted without having to register and move onto center stage. If after reading what has been left behind and you feel that you would like to step on stage and pass on a funny tale, joke or anecdote...feel free to register and come on in! If you've got em...Post em!

Enjoy!
Slicker

Slicker 16:20:53
Testing New Script
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slicker 11:49:10
A man is at the bar and the bartender asks him if he wants another drink. The guy opens his coat and looks in his
inner pocket then replies "Sure, I'll have a Bourbon on the Rocks!" A short time later after the guy had finished his drink, the bartender asks him again if he would like another drink. With that, he pulls open his jacket and looks in his inner pocket and say: "Ok...Give me a Jack and a Beer."
The same senario occurs for the next three drinks until finally the man refuses the bartenders last offer. The bartender wishes the man a good night. But before the man leaves, he asks him why he was always looking in his jacket inner pocket each time he asked him if he wanted a drink.
The man replied: "That's where I keep a picture of my wife. When she starts to look good, that's when I know that I've had enough!
Post em if you got em! See you later, Bye.
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GERRY 07:04:55

HI HORNY BEAUTY . GOT A MINUTE ?
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rebecca 05:12:59
How about the whore with a glass eye? She always kept an eye out for you!
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rowen 04:17:16
Did you hear about the hooker who lived over the bank??? Her asset over millions
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Flea Bag 22:11:34
Good Evening Ladies and Germs:

Did you hear about the midget who was kicked out of the Nudist Camp for getting into everybody's hair?

How about The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove that seemed way too qualified for the job.
"Look Miss," said the foreman, "have you any actual experience in picking lemons?"
"Well... as a matter if fact, Yes !" she replied. "I've been divorced three times."

Thank You and Good Night!

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Slicker 20:13:53
Welcome to the Newest Addition to A Nude Cornucopia. My thanks go out to Jason Everhardt, Kristen and Johnson for spawning the idea of opening up a comedy forum for all to enjoy. I sincerely hope this catches on and if You have a funny tale to tell, by all means....post it. If not, hopefully fou'll find the Comedy Corner entertaining and will be able to leave here with a smile on your face!
Regards,
Slicker
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Johnson 22:02:33
Ok...here's one for starters:
Little Johnny comes running in the house and tells his mother that a man on the sidewalk just got "knocked on his ass by the neighbor's dog!!!"
"Rectum...." say Johnny's Mother.
"Recked him?" answers Johnny...."Why it damned near killed him!"
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slicker 17:14:34
I see that some folks have been having fun in here. I like the jokes. Maybe I'll turn this room into a comedy corner and ask for jokes like the one posted.
Tonite...(02/19-20/98) look for a a DownBlouse update and possible some Scans ala Slicker. See you later!
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Just Checking 05:43:39
Here's one...Two Hillbillies are sitting on a fence, spitting, bullshitting and chewing tobacco while watching the world go by.
Meanwhile up the road in a Semi-tractor trailer, two guys are barrelling down the highway trying to make up for some lost time. The one in the passenger's seat declares that he has to take a crap and want's the driver to pull over. "Out of the question!!!" yells the driver. "Stick your ass out the window. We haven 't got time to stop!"
After much arguing, The passenger couldn't hold on to it any longer and stuck his ass out the window and let it go just as the truck was passing the two hillbillies and splattered them all over with shit!
"Goddamn...!!!" cries the first hick. " Did you smell that chewing tobaccy that guy spat out the window of that truck???"
"Hell yeah!!!!" answers the other. "But did you see the mother fuckin' jaws on that bastard????"

Peace!

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kristen 23:30:21
I see that this is a Joke forum tonite. Here is one for the Ladies.
A Woman astronaut is being briefed on the controls of the space craft she is about to embark. She is told that if she pulls the lever on her left, she will orbit the Moon. If she pushes the button on her right, she will Orbit Neptune. However, she is warned about stepping on the foot pedal next to her. That pedal, she is told, will cause he to land on Uranus which is inhabited only by men!
Once in Space, she pulls the left lever and is treated to a spectacular view of the Moon. Next, she pushes the right button and is overwelmed by the beauty of Neptune as she hovers around the Planet.
Having been in space for a long period of time, her mind wanders with thoughts of Lust and imprudence; horney as Hell...to put it bluntly! She remembers the warning about the foot pedal but can't help herself from stepping on it while thinking of all those men on Uranus.
The Space craft veers wildly out of control and crash lands on the planet. Upon regaining consciousness, she finds herself naked with a man bent over her, mashing and twisting and pushing on her breast wildly, sliding his hands up and down, trying to move her breasts to the lower part of her body.
Startled, she screams and the man yells to her: "Don't worry Sir, I've stitched the hole between your legs closed and now if I can just get your balls back into place, you will be just fine!!!"
Love, Kristen
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Jason Everhardt 21:10:32
A Drunk is at a bar and sees this guy whisper something in a pretty girl's ear. Next thing you know...They both walk out of the Bar. One hour later, here comes that same guy back to order a drink. He walks up to another Woman, whispers in her ear... She giggles and they both walk out. Damned!, says the Drunk! One half hour passes and in comes the guy again. He walks up to the barmaid, whispers in her ear... She takes him by the hand and they disappear into the back room. 20 minutes later, in walks the guy. With that... the drunk approaches the man and says: "What the hell do you say to those chicks to make them walk out with you?"
He tells the drunk that he whispers: "Tickle Your Ass with a feather? If She relishes the thought, we leave. If she gets bent out of shape and says: What did you say? I'll tell her I said: Particularly nice weather?"
Hey that's pretty smart thinks the drunk. With that, he stumbles up to the next Woman he sees and says: "Hey Bitch...stick a feather up your ass???" She slaps him and says: "What did you say?" He drooles and says: "Pretty shitty weather, isn't it?"

Good Night...Sleep tight and don't let the bed bugs bite!

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