Fargo 04/23/99 left Comedy Corner at 17:20:16
Fargo 04/23/99 17:19:39
There was a guy in a bar one night that got really drunk... I mean REALLY, REALLY drunk. When the bar closed, he got up to go home.

As he stumbled out the door, he saw a nun walking on the sidewalk. So, he stumbled over to her and punched her in the face.

She fell down and he staggered over to her and kicked her square in the ass... then he picked her up and threw her into a wall.

By this time, the nun was dazed and weak and couldn't move very much.

The drunk stumbled over to her and put his face right next to hers and said....

You're not very strong tonight, are you Batman?

Fargo 04/23/99 has joined Comedy Corner at 17:13:24
Jason Everhardt left Comedy Corner at 19:17:53
Jason Everhardt 19:16:11
Just when you think you have troubles...there's always someone to remind you that things can be a hell of a lot worse. I've been dreading mailing out my income tax return due to the fact of owing the government so much money. I decided to wait to the last minute to file. Today I was bummed out thinking about all the ways I could be spending the hard earned funds that I have to send to the I.R.S. Joe Kremitz, one of the regulars, came into the Speakeasy and ordered his usual Boiler Maker and sat down in one of the booths. He downed the drink in a flash and ordered several more. He wasn't jovial and care free as he normally is in the habit of acting so I decided to find out what's up.
"Joe, what's bugging you?" I inquired. "Tax time got you down too?"
"I just got out of the doctor's office." he replied. "He told me I have terminal cancer and have about one year to live."
"Holy Shit!!!" I clammored in disbelief. "I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Is there anything that I can do?"
"Just keep the drinks coming." he said.
I didn't know what to say. So I went back to the bar and brought over a bottle of my best Irish Whiskey and told him that the drinks are on the house. A while later, some of his best buddies came in and they too noticed that there was something bothering Joe.
"Hey Joe...whazzup with you?" quieried one of the gang.
"The Doctor just informed me that I had contracted AIDS and don't have a great chance of survival!" he explained.
The guys all were visably shaken and they also didn't know what to say to him. They tried to cheer him up but were unsuccessful. They couldn't even get him to join them in a dart match in which he usually love to partake.
I walked over to him and asked: "Joe, why did you tell them you have AIDS? You told me you have terminal cancer."
"I do," he retorted. But when I'm gone, I don't want them fucking my wife!"
I called the local cab company to come and pick him up. He was so pitiful! This is just a story to make you count your blessings and hopefully realize that if you have your health, you can conquer any problems that confront you.
Later!
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Lea has joined Comedy Corner at 08:10:58
Kristen left Comedy Corner at 19:13:36
Kristen 19:11:19
Modern Technology never ceases to amaze me! Last year, an Oriental Practitioner had joined Dr. Ben Dover's Gynecological and Proctology Clinic where our Motto is: "We keep you coming and going!" The newest physician to share Dr. Ben's practice, Tum Ytuck, MD., is a miracle worker within the realm of Plastic Surgery.
One his first day, a middle aged lady came to see what her options were concerning her rapidly sagging face.
"We can give you an old fashioned face-lift," he said, "or we can use a new high-tech procedure called 'the knob.'"
"What's 'the knob', doctor?", she inquired. He replied: "It is a procedure where we install a knob under your hair on the back of your head. We then connect it to the facial muscles which sag, and whenever you start
to notice any new wrinkles and sagging, just tighten the knob a few turns and your skin will be nice and tight again."
"Oh, YES, doctor! That is what I would like to have," she exclaimed excitedly.
The operation was a complete success and she looked 15 years younger. As months passed, whenever she noticed any new sagging, she simply tightened the knob and VOILA! Her face was again beautiful.
Last week, she woke up and saw two very large bags under her eyes. Alarmed, she called the clinic and reported the bags to me.
"Come down to the Clinic right away!" I told her. Dr. Ytuck will check it out!"
Sure enough, the woman arrived and indeed had two large bulbous appendages under her eyes as she reported. I brought her immediately into an examination room and waited with her. I was curious to see what Dr. Tum would find as the cause of her dilema.
After examining her, he announced: "You've been tightening the knob WAY too much!! Those bags under your eyes are your breasts"
The lady retored, "Well! I guess that explains the goatee!
Never a dull moment! Dr. Ytuck repaired the malformation and sent the woman on her way. I kind of liked her hair when she was wearing it in a bun...or should I say BUNS.
Have a good rest of the weekend; whatever is left of it. Till next time,

Love,
Kristen

Kristen has joined Comedy Corner at 19:01:57
Fargo 04/11/99 left Comedy Corner at 09:28:34
Fargo 04/11/99 09:27:53
THE PAPER

A husband, tired of his wife asking him how she looks, buys her a
full length mirror. This does little to help, as now she just stands in
front of the mirror, looking at herself, asking him how she looks.

One day, fresh out of the shower, she is yet again in front of the
mirror, now complaining that her breasts are too small.

Uncharacteristically, the husband comes up with a suggestion. "If you
want your breasts to grow, then every day take apiece of toilet
paper, and rub it between your breasts several times a day for a few seconds."

Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper,
and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts.

"How long will this take? 'she asks.

"They'll grow larger over a period of years," he replies.

The wife stops. "Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper
between my breasts every day will make my breasts grow over the
years?" she asks.

The husband shrugs. "Why not, it worked for your ass, didn't it?"

Fargo 04/11/99 has joined Comedy Corner at 09:27:25