Love,
Kristen
See ya' later
Fargo
Q: What is the quickest way to clear out a men's restroom?
A: Walk up to the guy at the urinal, look down and say, "Nice dick."
Q: How do you know you're leading a sad life?
A: When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Let's just be friends."
Q: What do you get when you cross Billy Ray Cyrus and a yeast
infection?
A: An itchy, twitchy twat.
Q: Are birth control pills deductible?
A: Only if they don't work.
Q: What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
A: If we don't get some support soon, people are going to think we're
nuts.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Owl and a Rooster?
A: A cock that stays up all night.
Q. What does parsley and pubic hair have in common?
A. Push it aside and keep on eating...
Q. On the other hand, ...What's the difference between Parsley and Pussy?
A. Nobody eats Parsley...
Q. How do you make five pounds of fat look good?
A. Give it a nipple.
Q: What's the ultimate rejection?
A: When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.
Q: What's the speed limit of sex?
A: 68 because at 69 you have to turn around
Q: What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.
Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
Your orgasms are real. Always.
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
You don't have to curl up next to a hairy ass every night.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president.
You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
Foreplay is optional.
You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
The world is your urinal.
Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's
just too icky.
Same work... more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
Porn movies are designed with you in mind.
Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them.
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So, notice anything
different?
You can eat popcorn any fucking time you want!
"Don't argue, open the fucking safe or I'll blow your head off"!. She
obliges and once she's opened the safe door the guy says, "Take out one
of the bottles and drink it."
"But it's full of sperm!" she replies nervously. "Don't argue, just
drink it" he says. She takes off the cap and gulps it down. "Take
another
one and drink it too" he demands.
She takes another and drinks it as well. Suddenly the guy pulls off the
ski mask and to the girl's amazement it's her husband. "There", he says
"it's not that fucking difficult, is it!"