Here's a joke from a woman's perspective...
The Seven Most Important Men in a Woman's Life are...
1. The Doctor - who tells her to "take off all her clothes."
2. The Dentist - who tells her to "open wide."
3. The Milkman - who asks her "do you want it in the front
or the back?"
4. The Hairdresser - who asks her "do you want it teased or blown?
5. The Interior Designer - who assures her "once it's inside,
you'll LOVE it!"
6. The Banker - who insists to her "if you take it out too soon,
you'll lose interest!"
7. The Primal Hunter - who always goes deep into the bush, always
shoots twice, always eats what he shoots, but keeps telling her
"Keep quiet and lie still!"
Here's a funny
DOCTOR'S SIGN
A young doctor had moved into town and was setting up a new practice.
He had a new sign painted and hung it in front of his office,
proclaiming
his specialties: "Homosexuals & Hemorrhoids."
The town fathers were upset with the sign and asked him please to change
it.
The Doctor was eager to please, so he put up a new sign: "Queers &
Rears."
The town fathers were really fuming about that one, so they demanded
that
the Doctor come up with a decent sign that would not offend the
townspeople.
So the Doctor came up with an acceptable sign: "Odds & Ends."
10. We were test marketing the new "McTrojan".
9. Condom, Condiment - what's the damn difference.
8. It still tastes better than the Arch Deluxe.
7. It was either there or in the vanilla shake.
6. Turns out the rumors about Grimace and Mayor McCheese are true.
5. We're experimenting with a new even happier Happy Meal.
4. So what - a regular Big Mac is 60% latex anyway.
3. Employees are too embarrassed to say "Would you like condoms with
that".
2. Drive through speaker broken - "Coke with lots of ice" sounded like
"Prophylactic device".
And the #1 McDonald's excuse for the condom in the Big Mac:
1. When you're serving billions and billions, you can never be too
careful.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Top 10 Signs You've Joined a Cheap HMO
10. Annual breast exam conducted at Hooters.
9. Directions to your doctor's office include, "take a left when you
enter the trailer park."
8. Tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicle.
7. Only proctologist in the plan is "Gus" from Roto-Rooter.
6. Only item listed under Preventive Care feature of coverage is "an
apple a day".
5. Your "primary care physician" is wearing the pants you gave to
Goodwill last month.
4. "Patient responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges" is not
a typo.
3. The only expense covered 100% is embalming.
2. Before you joined the HMO, your pills didn't come in different
colors with little "M"'s on them.
And the Number 1 Sign You've Joined a Cheap HMO...
1. You ask for Viagra. You get a Popsicle stick and duct tape.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day, one of the sperm questioned Stanley and
asked why he exercised all day.
Stanley explained, "Look pal, only one sperm gets a
woman pregnant, and when the right time comes, I'm
gonna be that one sperm!"
A few days later, all the sperm could feel themselves
getting hotter and hotter. They knew the big swim was
imminent. Moments later, they were released abruptly
and, sure enough, Stanley was swimming far ahead of
all the others.
Suddenly, Stanley stopped in his tracks, turned around,
and began to swim back with all his might. "Go back!
Go back!" he yelled. "It's a blow job!"
I limped back to Dallas and parked the "Big Johnson", slept the sleep of the damned and awoke with a better attitude.
I promptly removed the whole front of this class 'A' motor home and like a man with a purpose, proceded to remove the radiator, the broken bolt, replaced the alternator, water pump, belts, hoses, thermostat and every other expendable component you can imagine...
I bolted everything back together, filled up the radiator and cranked her up.... No leaks... it heats up to 180 degrees and stays there... Things are looking good.
I back out of the driveway and proceed to the Interstate for a 20 mile shakedown cruise...
The "Big Johnson" has never run better. About 2 miles from the house, I fill him up with 100 gal. of fuel and proceed home. Dammn!! this machine has never run better.
I pull into the driveway (up a slight incline) and shut down. As I walk around the coach to go into the house, I see a stream of fuel as thick as your dick pouring out the overflow. Damn. I'll have to back the coach into the driveway as that will put the overflow higher than the tank.
I back out of the driveway, turn around and back up the driveway and promptly back into and crush my double garage door....with the spare tire that hangs off the back....
Trust me, this is all true....
Jokes next time...
Drive safely Slicker..
Fargo
More Later!
Au Revoir
Ooops... the service department is closed... Damn!..
By this time, I'm already a day late and my schedule is all fucked up. Shit, I decide to limp back to Dallas.....
Au revoir!