Men know that PMS is Mother Nature's way of telling you to
get out of the house.

Men know that if she looks like your mother, run.

Men know that there are at least three sides to every story:
his, hers, and the truth.

Men know never to run away from a fight that you know you
can win.

Men know that cats are evil and cannot be trusted.

Men know how to change the toilet paper, but to do so would
ruin the game.

Men know exactly how much gas is left in the tank and how
far that gas will get them.

Men know that from time to time, it is absolutely necessary
to adjust oneself.

Men know that a woman will wear a low-cut dress and expect
the man to stare at her cleavage. Men also know that the
woman will get pissed off when they do, for reasons not
totally clear to them.

Men know that the reason men don't like cats is because they
don't know how to cook them.

Men know that there is no such thing as a sure thing, unless
her name is Tracy...

Men know that it's never a good idea to tell your father-in-law
how good his daughter is in bed.

Men know that men are from here, and women are from way the
hell over there.

Defect: “Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.”
Action. . .”Almost replaced left inside main tire.”

Defect: “Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.”
Action. . .”Autoland not installed on this aircraft.”

Defect #1: “#2 Propeller seeping prop fluid.”
Action #1. . . “#2 Propeller seepage normal.”
Defect #2: “#1, #3, and #4 propellers lack normal seepage.”

Defect: “The autopilot doesn’t.”
Action. . . “IT DOES NOW.”

Defect: “Something loose in cockpit.”
Action. . . “Something tightened in cockpit.”

Defect: “Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear.”

Action. . . “Evidence removed.”

Defect: “DME volume unbelievably loud.”
Action. . . “Volume set to more believable level.”

Defect: “Dead bugs on windshield.”
Action. . . “Live bugs on order.”

Defect: “Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm
(feet per minute) descent.”
Action. . . “Cannot reproduce Defect on ground.”

Defect: “IFF inoperative.”
Action. . . “IFF inoperative in OFF mode.”

Defect: “Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.”
Action. . . “That’s what they’re there for.”

Defect: “Number three engine missing.”
Action. . . “Engine found on right wing after brief search.”

Defect: “Seat cushion in 13F smells rotten.”
Action. . . “Fresh seat cushion on order”

Defect: “Aircraft handles funny.”
Action. . . “Aircraft warned to straighten up, “fly right,” and
be serious.”

Defect: “Target Radar hums.”
Action. . . “Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words.”

Defect: Turn & slip indicator ball stuck in center during turns.

Action: Congratulations. You just made your first coordinated
turn!

Defect: Whining sound heard on engine shutdown.
Action: Pilot removed from aircraft.

Defect: Pilot’s clock inoperative.
Action: Wound clock.

Defect: Autopilot tends to drop a wing when fuel imbalance
reaches 500 pounds.
Action: Flight manual limits maximum fuel imbalance to 300
pounds.

Defect: #2 ADF needle runs wild.
Action: Caught and tamed #2 ADF needle.

Defect: Unfamiliar noise coming from #2 engine.
Action: Engine run for four hours. Noise now familiar.

Defect: Noise coming from #2 engine. Sounds like man with little
hammer.
Action: Took little hammer away from man in #2 engine.

Defect: Whining noise coming from #2 engine compartment.
Action: Returned little hammer to man in #2 engine.

Defect: Flight Attendant cold at altitude.
Action: Ground checks OK.

Defect: F/A’s complain of numerous roaches in the galleys.
Action: Roaches deplaned.

Defect: Live cockroach seen disappearing in forward galley.
Action: Live cockroach transferred to HIL (Hold Item List).

Defect: 3 roaches in galley.
Action: 1 roach killed, 1 wounded, 1 got away.

Defect: Mouse in radio stack.
Action: Cat installed in radio stack.