This week, a judge in Maryland ruled that Linda Tripp did not have immunity when she turned over secret tapes of Monica
Lewinsky to Ken Starr's office. Her attorney said that they will be appealing this decision. Of course it made history. That was
the first time the words Linda Tripp and appealing appeared together.
I guess Monica Lewinsky ready to testify against her former friend. They used to be good buddies. You can see why
Monica Lewinsky liked Linda Tripp. For the first time in her life she got to be the skinny one. .
Yesterday in Maryland, Monica Lewinsky testified in the pretrial hearing on whether Linda Tripp can be tried on wiretapping
charges. At one point, Monica said she was seeing a therapist to overcome her addiction to sex and a dietician to overcome
her addiction to food. You know, she could've solved both these problems just by keeping her mouth shut.
Al Gore took his physical and good news. He died of natural causes.
The First Couple is moving. They got a house. President Clinton and Hillary got approval to build an 8 foot protective wall
at their brand new home in New York. And apparently it's across the middle of their bedroom.
Donald Trump said in his new book, that if he is elected president, he will stop America from being ripped off by the
countries we do business with. That's right, instead America will be ripped off by President Donald Trump.
Country Star Garth Brooks has announced he will retire. Still no word from Kenny G.
President Clinton says that Pete Rose deserves to be in the Hall of Fame. The President explained, "not only did Rose get
4000 hits, but thinking about them has helped me delay 4000 orgasms."
Julie Andrews is suing Mt. Sinai Hospital claiming that a botched operation has robbed her of her singing voice. And in a
related story, an angry mob has rushed Michael Bolton to Mt. Sinai Hospital.
Researchers at John Hopkins School of Medicine are reporting that a normal human female embryo will develop, over the
course of 15 years into a date for Michael Douglas.
There's this "new" thing where you can go to college using your computer. They have an ad saying "get your degree
without the hassle of attending classes." Well, that's not anything new. That's normally called a football scholarship.
Congressmen are always saying that there is too much violence on network TV. In a new study by the Center for Media
and Public Affairs, profanity is heard every 2 minutes on cable TV. And when the cable goes out it's double that.
We gave back the Panama Canal and Panama is mad because we didn't send a high enough delegation. Clinton didn't
go, Hillary didn't go. They were considering sending Janet Reno to the canal, but she was already visiting a dike.
NBC announced today that they have rehired Marv Albert. At the press conference he told the NBC president, "I am so
happy I could bite you."
During the Republican Presidential Debate, the candidates were asked what philosopher most influenced them. George W.
Bush said Jesus. McCain said Theodore Roosevelt. Meanwhile, Steve Forbes said that little man on monopoly money.
According to the Wall Street Journal, a 46 year old Vietnam veteran is going to have the first sex change operation you
can see live on the internet. Just log on to the internet at www.slash.
Contrary to reports in the British Press, Madonna is not pregnant. According to her spokesman, the only new thing in
Madonna's womb is a "take-a-number" machine.
The White House announced Monday that Bill Clinton has the flu. Judging by some of the woman he's been with lately, I
think it's the swine flu.
President Clinton spoke about his new library in Arkansas Monday. He hopes it will be a beacon for helping to solve the
world's problems. There will be an adjoining cafe, the "Hard Clinton Cafe."
The Mars Lander was sent up and NASA has heard nothing from it. This thing has been quieter than George W. Bush
after a foreign policy question.
It's kind of scary. Bill Bradley has the irregular heartbeat. Now they are checking all the candidates. Al Gore has no pulse
whatsoever.
Hillary gets wind of the transit strike and she thinks "I better take a subway ride cause I have to know what's going on." So,
Hillary, over the weekend, for the first time took a subway ride and she was STUNNED. She had never seen that much
shoving and touching, and pushing and groping since the last time she walked in on Bill.
They are now trying boost voter turnout this year among young people. So, several states are allowing you to vote on the
internet. There was a trial run in the state of Arizona and it did not go well. Their governor is a naked picture of Alysa Milano.
Be Careless...
Fargo
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Really? I heard it was because everyone there
considers you a fat slut.
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man: Probably because you will be on your knees
gobblin on my fucking cock.
Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man: That's cool, cause after I get done smackin it
to you in the back of my car...... I don't give a shit
where you go.
Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: So that's how you got that little mustache
Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.
Man: Sure that isn't "yield to merging traffic"?
Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.
Man: No problem, I can always shoot my load on your
back.
Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?
Man: Probably, cause you seem like the kind of chick
that is impossible to shake once you smack the goods
to her.
Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die
laughing.
Man: That works for me....... as long as you are
still a little warm when I shove it up your ass..
Male: Do you want to dance?
Female: No!
Male: I think you mis-heard me. I said your ass
looks fat in that skirt.
If you think that NASA was frustrated at no answer after 45 calls to the Mars Lander, wait until Hillary tries to reach Bill on
the phone after she goes out of the White House.
Mike Tyson will be fighting again in January. I am afraid there might be an international incident with Tyson going to
England. Imagine if Prince Charles goes to that fight and Tyson sees those ears. He'll be hollering "Buffet, Buffet."
A woman in Australia was in a bar, there's a fight going on and the woman is shot. It turns out that her breast implant
saves her life. The bullet struck the implant and stopped. Of course, now her boyfriend has a hole in his hand, but other than
that........
NASA still hasn't communicated with the Mars Lander. They say there is a better chance of Bill communicating with Hillary
than ever making contact with the Lander.
Things are getting a bit testy with Bill and Hillary. Today, First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton says she opposes her
husband's "Don't ask, don't tell" for the military. I wonder why? It's worked so well for their marriage.
They're doing a Monica Lewinsky movie. An unknown actress from North Carolina will play Monica. I wonder how she got
the part? And how did that audition go?
You can always tell the Russian spies. They pass the lie detectors but fail the breathalyzers.
The Spice Girls became the first pop stars since the Beatles to be selected by Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum. They said
they are very popular and after their 15 minutes of popularity is up, they can just paint them black and call them the
Supremes.
A statue was unveiled today in South Carolina for Strom Thurman, who turned 97 on Sunday. They unveiled this huge 17
foot 12 ton statue. Pretty sad that the statue was more recognizable before the unveiling when the sheet was on.
Donald Trump passed out hand sanitizing lotion to the press, because he famously doesn't like shaking hands. But
apparently by the women that he dates has no problems kissing babies.
Stevie Wonder is going to try regaining his eyesight. He thinks that there is a micro chip that they could implant that would
restore his eyesight. That would be great to see the beauty of nature, peoples faces but on the downside, wait until he sees
what he has been wearing for the past 20 years.
Yep, Hillary is packing up. She is moving to New York and this may be her good bye to
the White House for good. She got a little misty while packing. She said that if the walls could talk, they'd also give Bill Clinton
the silent treatment.
Hillary, of course, is trying to be the next senator from the great state of New York and she's now beginning to say things.
Like today she said that today's youth lack a work ethic. And I am thinking to myself, "Ah, Hillary, just go back to listening."
Thursday night they had the first Republican presidential debate, in which George W. took place. It didn't go too well for George
W. After three questions, he used up 2 of his lifelines.
This is how much Hillary Clinton is Jewish. She lit the menorah, made a wish and blew them out.
Thursday at a Christmas party in Washington, Hillary Clinton posed for a picture with Santa Claus. It was a cute picture.
But later, Santa was quoted as saying "Man, and I thought the North Pole was cold."
Actress Alysa Milano filed for divorce from her husband after only 11 months of marriage. So that means if he wants to see
her naked, he'll have to go online like the rest of us. Slicker has some pics in the archive...
GREETING CARD VERSES THAT
DIDN'T QUITE MAKE IT
My tire was thumping....
thought it was flat....
when I looked at the tire....
I noticed your cat... Sorry
>
You had your bladder removed
and you're on the mends....
here's a bouquet of flowers
and a box of Depends
>
Heard your wife left you...
How upset you must be...
But don't fret about it ....
She moved in with me
>
You totaled your car...
and can't remember why...
could it have been...
that case of Bud Dry?
Be Careless...
Fargo