As he was sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him.
After she ordered her drink she turned to the cowboy and
asked him, "Are you a real cowboy?"
To which he replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life on the ranch herding cows, breaking horses, and mending fences, so I reckon I am."
After a short while, he asked her what she was.
She replied, "I've never been on a ranch so I'm not a cowboy, but I am a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think of women.
When I eat, shower, watch TV. Everything seems to make me think of women."
A short while later she left and the cowboy ordered another drink.
A couple sat down next to him and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"
To which he replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a lesbian.
She says "I want you to see this." She puts a worm in the water it swims
around. She puts a worm in the whiskey and the worm dies.
Sternly the wife remarks, "So what do you have to say about this
experiment?"
Coolly the husband replies, "If I drink whiskey I won't get worms!"
A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms.
Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. Upon getting home he announces to his
wife the purchase he just made.
"Olympic condoms?", she blurts, "What makes them so special?"
"There are three colors", he replies, "Gold, Silver and Bronze."
"What color are you going to wear tonight?", she asks cheekily.
"Gold of course", says the man proudly.
The wife responds, "Really, why don't you wear Silver, it would be nice
if you came second for a change!".
Top Ten Questions on the Indiana University Basketball
Coach Application
10.
"Do you feel you have a proper disrespect for authority?"
9.
"In what anger-management class do you see yourself in five years?"
8.
"You're not one of those guys who pats everyone on the ass, are
you?"
7.
"Have you ever been prescribed drugs that are used to sedate
horses?"
6.
"Fill in the blanks: I'm going to break your ____ing neck, you
mother____"
5.
"Are you actually Bob Knight in a fake mustache trying to get your job
back?"
4.
"Do you have what it takes to lead Indiana to a 2nd-round NCAA
tournament loss?"
3.
"Not your area, but what's the deal with that lame 'Big Brother' show?"
2.
"Which scenario results in getting fired: A) threatening a basketball
player or B) having sex with a hefty intern?"
1.
"Why them balls so bouncy?"
Chrysler Corporation is adding a new car to its line to honor Bill
Clinton. The Dodge Drafter will begin production in Canada this
year.....
American Indians have nicknamed Bill Clinton as "Walking Eagle" because
he is so full of crap he can't fly.....
Clinton only lacks five things to become one of America's finest
leaders:
Honesty, courage, integrity, vision, and wisdom.....
Clinton is doing the work of three men: Larry, Curly, and Moe.....
Revised judicial oath: "I solemnly swear to tell the truth as I know it,
the whole truth as I believe it to be, and nothing but what I think you
need to know."
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common - They should both be
changed regularly, and for the same reason
If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the OTHERS here for?
If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the OTHERS here for?
The Russian is stunned and the Genie says, "Hello master, I will grant you one wish, anything you want."
The Russian begins thinking, "Well, I really like drinking vodka."
Finally the Russian says, "I wish to drink vodka whenever I want, so make me piss vodka."
The Genie grants him his wish. When the Russian gets home he gets a glass out of the cupboard and pisses in it. He looks in the glass and it's clear. Looks like vodka. Then he smells the liquid.
Smells like vodka. So he takes a taste and it is the best vodka he has ever tasted.
The Russian yells to his wife, "Natasha, Natasha, come quickly!"
She comes running down the hall and the Russian takes another glass out of the cupboard and pisses into it. He tells her to drink, it is vodka.
Natasha is reluctant but goes ahead and takes a sip. It is the best vodka she has ever tasted.
The two drink and party all night.
The next night the Russian comes home from work and tells his wife to get two glasses out of the cupboard. He proceeds to piss in the two glasses. The result is the same, the vodka is excellent and the couple drink until the sun comes up.
Finally Friday night comes and the Russian comes home and tells his wife, "Natasha grab one glass from the cupboard and we will drink vodka." His wife gets the glass from the cupboard and sets it on the table.
The Russian begins to piss in the glass and when he fills it his wife asks him, "But Boris, why do we need only one glass?"
Boris raises the glass and says, "Because tonight my love, you drink from the bottle."