You know what get's me off? A nice stiff joint...take that as you may; the feeling of a clitoris, dangling on the tip of my nose, warm flesh with the smell of pungent flowers; an erect nipple begging to be nipped can take me to the other side. The closest polyurethane comes even close to my mouth is that of waxed dental floss that I employ and the pen with that I write.
I understand a vibrator can make one hoop and a holler, reel and a rock, sing Glory...Halleuah...thank God I'm a country girl!" Whew!!!! Lord, I can tell you stories!
But sucking on a plastic dildo???? I don't think so.
I'm off for some batteries. Big night tonight!.
Love,
Kristen
Why do many chicks, although perfectly naked while doing all sorts of acts imaginable still have their shoes on.
Why are their names usually...Ashley, Megan, Melissa or Sabrina?
While updating web pages, why are there so many file names to type that are about an alphabet in length. Names
like: "Flossinossinihilipilification.gif" or...."Fuk_suc-blo_eat-lick-and-cum[Baby].mpeg?"
A good percentage of the material found in the archive has come from Usenet or the News Groups. As much as I enjoy the posts of the many regulars and newbies that come to pass, I find it tiresome wading through the massive pile of useless Spam.
One learns what subject headers and e-mail addresses automatically give away that they are Lame Posts; phrases like:
"///////\\\\\\\\\You've got to see this!!!!!******//\\//"
(Click, Delete! No I don't.)
or...
"AMATEUR HIDDEN VIDEO! SHOT YESTERDAY! JUST TURNED 18"
(Right! You see the reflection of the flood light in the bathroom mirror, a glimpse of the camera lens and some guy's big fat gut!
The model just turned 32 and their is a url running directly across her snatch.
and...
"====BRITNEY BLOWJOB PICS===="
(and if you can believe that, I have a bridge in Philadelphia that is up for sale!)
Email addresses are a dead giveaway... those like: "ahexzlgetuh@weiiut.cum," or "Ashley@wrjhg.org" and "Megan@hotmail.com." You can't filter out garble, Ashley is really a geek named Norman and Megan is a figment of some male poster's imagination.
Fucking url's on pictures that are more outstanding than the picture itself, really does a number on my blood pressure. I will never visit a site that is more interested in promoting themselves than the art of others!
And while I'm at it...pictures of a girl covered in cum with three or four guys standing there with their dicks in their hands is about as appealing to me as a picture of my Grandmother naked. Then again, there are those that like that kind of stuff.
Spam is reaching epidemic proportions. Some think that spam is commercial advertising in newsgroups. They are partially correct in that commercial advertisement is only an ingredient in spam. Spam is considered anything off topic to what is going on or unwanted and uninvited e-mail. Messages trying to sell you Viagra substitutes, to Penile enlargers...Awesomeless bullshit on a worthless web site, As seen on National TV...the chain letter that promises to make you a half a million dollars in just 15 weeks and too many to mention fill my inbox daily. I'd like to know if anyone actually saw that nationally televised program featuring that money making chain scheme and what channel was it on?
Let us know what you find ridiculous on the internet. And to Jason Everhart...you forgot about Fucking Shit and Noe Shit Charlie.
Thanks to all the regulars and for you visiting Comedy Corner.
For your readin' pleasure:
Want to go to Texas...
Texas Tourism Council Bulletin
This list will be handed to each person as they enter
the state.
1. That slope-shouldered farm boy did more work before
breakfast than you'll do all week at the gym. How'd
you like to go home and tell your momma you got your
butt kicked by a big guy in bib overalls?
2. It's called a 'gravel road.' No matter how slow you
drive, you're going to get dust on your BMW. I have a
four wheel drive because I need it. Drive it or get
it out of the way.
3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were
nine years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.
4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our
women will get your butt kicked... by our women.
5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't
cry to us if a Bigmouth breaks it off at the handle.
We have a name for those little
13-inch trout you fish for.............bait.
6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards
are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You
might hope you don't have it up to your ear at the
time.
8. That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy
a fifth for what you paid in the airport.
9. The Aggies and the 'Horns are as important here as
the Lakers and the Knicks... and a dang sight more fun
to watch.
10. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu.
Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the
Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and
turkey.
11. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown,
wet, and served over ice.
12. So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car. We're
real impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar
tractors that we use four - 5 months a year.
13. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in
town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when
it's yellow.
14. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks because
they want to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.
15. Yeah, we eat catfish, bass too-and turtle. You
really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the
bait shop.
16. They are cows. That's what they smell like. Get
over it. Don't like it? Interstate 20 goes two
ways-35 goes the other two. Pick one.
17. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer
season. It's a religious holiday held the second
Saturday in November. You can get breakfast at the
church.
18. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called
being friendly. Understand the concept?
19. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water
hazards. It spooks the fish.
20. Yeah we shoot doves...even though they are song
birds... but we don't hit very many so we don't feel
bad about that either...
The Catholic girl asks the Jewish girl, "Is that the holiday when
you light the 8 candles?"
"No," the Jewish girl replies. "That's Hanukkah."
The Catholic girl then asks the Jewish girl, "Is that the holiday
when you eat the unlevened bread?"
"No," the Jewish girl replies. "That's Passover. Roshashanna
is the holiday when we blow the shofar."
"See," the Catholic Girl replies. "That's what I like about the
Jewish people.....you're so good to your help."
Triskadekaphobia, the fear of the number 13, dates back a long way. A day to be paranoid of events that cannot be controlled, overtakes even those of a non superstitious nature.
Take O'Malley for instance...he hangs cloves of garlic on the entrance and exits of O'Malley's Bar & Grill. He carries a crucifix in his back pocket and keeps a wooden stake behind the bar. Shamrocks in the four leaf persuasion are placed everywhere. The cooler is filled with holy water. O'Malley has kept his childhood rabbit's foot for these occasions only.
Normally, O'Malley is a somewhat a laid back guy. But on Friday the 13th, you can't tall him any different. He'll say that you don't know shit! In fact, he'll expound by saying you don't know Jack Shit!!!
I was in a pissed off mood this afternoon and pulled in on O'Malley. "Where's you clove of Garlic?" he asked me. Being short tempered, I told him he was acting like a loon for believing in such nonsense.
"Oh yea," he ripped out, "You don't Know Shit. Why, you don't know Jack Shit!!!"
That did it! I told him I do know Jack Shit...
Jack Shit is the Only son of Awe Shitt and Oh Shit. Awe Shit, the fertilizer magnate, married Oh Shit...the owner of the Knee Deep Shit Cattle Company.
In turn, Jack Shit married Noe Shit and the couple produced six children: Holie Shit, the twins...Deep Shit and Dip Shit, Fulla Shit, Giva Shit and Bull Shit.
Deep Shit married against his parent's objections. He wed Dumb Shit.
After fifteen years, Jack and Noe Shit divorced because Noe ran off with Joe Sherlock. Noe remained a Shit for the sake of her children as they were all Shits. When Noe Married Joe, she became known as Noe Shit-Sherlock.
Dip Shit married Loada Shit and they produced an idiot son...Chicken Shit.
Fulla Shit and Giva Shit married the Happens brothers and their children were named Dawg, Byrd and Hoarse Shit-Happens.
Bull Shit, the prodical son, left home to return only recently with his Italian Bride...Pisa Shit.
"So, O'Malley," I told him. "Tell me you know more about Shit than I do!" At that moment, the roof caved in. Tables were lifting into the air. A deafening roar rumbled through the joint; the patrons frantically fleeing for the exits with all to leave unhurt. A tornado had just passed through and disappeared as quickly as it had appeared. All were accounted for except O'Malley. He never came out of the bar. I dashed in and found him unconscious beneath a fifty pound sack of garlic cloves that had apparently fallen off of the top shelf and knocked him out.
He's in the hospital overnight for observation. I could still hear him yelling as the ambulance took him away: "Jason Everhardt...you're a fucking Shithead."
What does he know anyway??? I'll never figure him out.
Later